Really, Being Assertive Helps Me Love Myself More, and It Affects the Way I Feel?

Today, I wish to talk about assertion AND internal dialog because they are intimately involved in developing self love… Assertion is getting your needs while respecting the rights of others. Internal dialog is your internal stream of thoughts that stem from your ego.

Let me start off by saying that assertion is more important than you think because it affects your interactions and decisions. Consider the number of interactions or decisions you make in one day. A lot, right? Internal dialog is the quiet discussion that happens in your mind. Internal dialog springs from the ego and it provides a steady stream of information.

So let’s start with internal dialog: look at it…”How, you might say?” Take a moment and notice the thoughts that are flowing through your mind. Become aware of this subliminal pattern that is almost below the surface of your awareness. You have the ability to bring this self-talk into full awareness where you can look at its quality. When you are ‘onto this concealed stream,’ you have brought it up to your conscious mind, and you are ready to begin…keep at it…

Evaluate your internal dialog. Do you talk to yourself kindly and respectfully? Or are you critical and harsh? When you observe this dialog flow, are you satisfied with the tone and content? If you are not satisfied, you and ONLY YOU, have the ability to change it by substituting a design of your choosing. What I mean to say is that you have the ability to replace any negative self talk with positive self-talk. Think of the way you would want your parent to speak to you – lovingly, positively, kindly…

INTERNAL DIALOG: You make a mistake. If you say, “You messed up again. You can’t do anything right.” You are being critical.

You can choose to replace this with, “I made a mistake. I will do this again a different way. I’ll be successful the next time.” This is supportive and kind. With the second choice, you are replacing the critical message with a positive one.

Another skill that promotes self-love is assertion. I’d like to share an example of internal dialog that emphasizes assertion, and then the avoidance of assertion:


A good friend and I had a misunderstanding. I will express my truth to him. Our relationship is worth my making the effort to communicate authentically. Perhaps he will not change, but he’ll know my feelings and this will affect our relationship because my honesty will have its effect. I say something.


My good friend and I had a misunderstanding. I want to say something about it but he won’t understand what I say, and he won’t change. I’m afraid he’ll get upset when he hears my reaction. I’d be uncomfortable. I’d better not say anything. I decide to say nothing and refrain from speaking my truth.

Knowledge of your internal dialog, and assertion are important skills in the development of self-love. Know what you are thinking, and choose a response from your authentic self! When you feel unified about your responses, you tend to feel satisfied and comforted – in line with your truth.

These skills have been essential for me as I balance the thoughts that express my true self, my deeper knowledge of who I am. These have helped me become self-loving, and I highly suggest that you give this attention in your repertoire of responses.

Gandhi has said: Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. (Gandhi quotes, 2015).

I know I have more work to do…

Speak to you on November 16th.


#subliminalpattern #positiveselftalk #designofchoice

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Linda Marsanico

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